Westminster View - December 2017

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December. Quick of The Yard finally ' gets his  man' as Damian Green becomes the third Cabinet casualty in as many months. Now is it the Quick or the dead? The Crown Prosecution  Service and The Met are on the rack over ' rigged ' rape cases, Lord ' Tarzan ' Heseltine does what he does best, kicks his own party in the teeth and backs Corbyn over Brexit. Red Jerry appears as the Wizard of Oz in GQ magazine and  it's blue- on - blue in the House of Commons as the government takes its first defeat over the 'Brexit Bill'. Will the first woman Bishop of London , The Right Reverend Sarah Mullally, become the first female Archbishop of Canterbury and are Special Air Sisters about to join the hard men of the military's elite? A bad start to a Brussels week ends well for the Darling Bud, the Brexit divorce bill will come in at around £39 billion but trade talks get the go ahead from the Commissars and its Christmas so raise a glass to Herr Druncker. Her Maj commissions an aircraft carrier that turns out be be a little low in the water but a new Royal Yacht Britannia is an idea that may yet float, Mayor  Boris' takes on the Kremlin in cyberspace and Environment  Secretary Michael Gove packs a punch for animal welfare. The Tramp wins his first vote in the Senate but loses a Senator to the Democrats in the hitherto GOP stronghold of Alabama. You cannot grope too many of the people too much of the time. Candidate Ray Moore gone today, The Tramp tomorrow? In North Korea the ' Little Rocket Man' says war with the U.S. is inevitable. It's not ' if' but ' when'. A flake of snow is spotted somewhere North  of Watford and, as is our custom, Britain shuts down.

 

The Democratic Unionist Party, upon whose support the Government now relies for its' majority ( strange how it was a ' coalition' with the Liberal Democrats but is a ' dirty deal' with the DUP) began the month with a fair stab at derailing both Brexit talks in Brussels and bring down the present administration. There was our Prime Minister, sitting down over as congenial a lunch as it is possible to have with the former Leader of Luxembourg County Council and preparing to sign on the dotted line to get trade talks started before flying back to Britain for a pre- planned statement to the Commons when the phone rang. Arlene  Foster, the leader of the DUP although not herself a Westminster MP, had seen what turned out to be an early draft of a proposed agreement over the post- Brexit border provisions between Northern Ireland and the Irish Republic. " No votes if the UK gives in to Dublin" was the indigestible message. Lunch and the statement called off. Back to the negotiating table. As the Darling Bud struggles the get the show back on the pavement some of her ' loyal' Cabinet colleagues smell blood and prepare to park their tanks on the lawns of Downing Street, ever- aided, of course, by the dial- a- quote repertory company of MPs harnessed by the Bourgeois Women's Tabloid and the the Daily " Yesterday's News Tomorrow " Torygraph. London and Dublin reach an impasse, a deal is' close but not confirmed' the necessary agreement, needed to kickstart the trade talks, is ' within reach'. The Prime Minister, with her Brexit Minister in tow, makes a 4am dash from RAF Northolt  to Brussels . She meets ' President' Tusk at 6.50 GMT and by 7.00 am the ink is drying on the paper. The DUP claim ' six substantive changes' to the agreement and by 9.30 ' Houdini' May is back in Maidenhead in her constituency. It would be churlish to ask which chump did not tie down the deal with the DUP before we allowed The Boss to lunch with Druncker at the start of an unnecessarily difficult week but no doubt that question has been posed in the right quarter. The tanks have been pulled back off the Downing Street grass and sweetness if not light has broken out around the Cabinet table. Seconds out. Round two.

 

There are, of course, those hard- line head-banging Leavers who will never stop carping about the £39 billion exit- price for this agreement . The " why don't we just walk away" brigade, generally of a certain and misanthropic age and with neither thought nor care for a future for which they will not have to pay simply do not recognise that we have obligations under international law and treaties that, as an honourable nation, we are obliged to meet. Thirty- nine billion pounds is a great deal better than the wholly unrealistic £100 billion initial asking price and the Lady deserves some credit for delivering a figure that probably fairly represents something close to what we actually owe. Yes, it is a hell of a lot of money and yes " it would build a lot of schools and hospitals" but there is a price for everything and divorce is seldom either cheap or pretty. There will be no divisive hard border between the North and South of Ireland, the UK will remain in the Single Market until 2021 which will help to avoid the ' cliff- edge' that so much of British business has feared, an accommodation has been reached for EU citizens currently resident in the UK and UK residents currently resident throughout the rest of the European Union to enjoy reciprocal rights and though there are certainly loose ends to be tied up in terms of future cross- border travel and the like that represents real progress at last. The " Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed" mantra has been rolled out again and those looking for " Canada plus plus plus plus" trade deal will have their negotiating work cut out to pull that one off but if we are at last "at the end of the beginning" then that is probably about as good as it was ever going to be this side of  Christmas.  Labour's Shadow Brexit Minister Keir ' Hardy' Starmer is baying at the moon in yet again calling for a second referendum. Britain is leaving the European Union and it is up to all of us to pull together and to strike a deal that is good for Britain, good for the wider Europe and good for Global security and the economy. 

 

The ' Brexit Bill' that will convert European legislation into British law before it is then fine-tuned, accepted or discarded once we leave the EU has been battering its way through what is known as ' A Committee of the Whole House' . Instead of a bill being taken upstairs to a committee room and being scrutinised line- by- line by a representative group of members the House turns itself into a committee in the Chamber, is presided over by a Chairman instead of a Speaker ( this happens with parts of the Finance Bill also) and does the same job.Eight days were allocated for the Brexit Bill and for most of that time the Government emerged unscathed. A pity,mother, that on the eve of her departure for Brussels for resumed discussions with EU leaders the Prime Minister has the rug pulled from under her by the eleven conservatives ( I use the term loosely) that voted against her and by a handful who courageously abstained. Some eight of the ' Rebels' were what might be described as disgruntled former Ministers' although they no doubt regard themselves as highly principled and acting in the interests of the people.  Mr.Guy Verhofstadt described this as' a victory for democracy' which should tell you just about all you need to know about the vote. MPs who did not side with the rebels then received a smattering of identical e-mails all commencing " I am disappointed that you did not join......." etc. The fact, as I see it, is that quietly and behind the scenes very considerable concessions had been made and undertakings given and that the rebellion was therefore unnecessary. Which is why I have responded to that smattering of e- mails suggesting that I " I am disappointed that you should have felt it desirable for your Member of Parliament to engage in grandstanding".

 

Mr. Robert Quick was once a senior police constable with London's Metropolitan police.He was also heavily involved in a raid on the parliamentary offices of my colleague Damian Green, Member of Parliament for Ashford in Kent and, at the time of the intrusion, a Shadow Home Office Minister. Mr Quick was investigating leaks of confidential information from within the Home Office that appeared to enable Mr. Green to ask embarrassingly relevant questions on the floor of the House of Commons and in his work as a sleuth Mr Quick was aided and abetted by a sidekick, name of Lewis, who was a kind of Gromit to Mr. Quick's Wallace.

 

It is said that not only did Plod of The Met invade the sanctity of an elected Member's office but he also drove the aforesaid Member to his home in Charing, in Kent, to search for clues. Trouble was that such was the efficiency of Plod's research that, it is said, they drove Mr Green to the wrong house and refused to believe that Mr. Green did not actually know which house he lived in. When he directed Plod to his actual abode our heroic constable refused to believe that The illustrious elected Member could occupy such a modest dwelling until Mr. Green produced the keys and unlocked the front door of what was, indeed, his constituency residence. 

 

Such was the level of ineptitude that this inquiry did not enhance the careers of ' Bob' Quick or Gromit Lewis and both are now retired from the force.

 

.Spool forward to this year and one Kate Maltby, the daughter of family friends of the Greens and a journalist, alleged that Damian Green, now effectively Deputy Prime Minister, some years ago placed a hand upon her knee. Worse, following the publication of a photograph of Ms. Maltby in a corset, Mr Green is reported to have, in either jocular or avuncular or improper terms, take your pick, sent a message to Ms.Maltby suggesting that it was time that they - who have known each other for years - should have a catch- up drink. Such is the febrile atmosphere in which the Westminster Village now conducts its business that this allegation immediately became the subject of an invests by the Professional Standards Department of the House.

 

Step forward, once again, Messrs. Quick and Lewis. It is alleged that the constabulary seized computers from Mr. Green's parliamentary office and it is alleged that upon one of those computers there were stored non- criminal ' thumbnail' pornographic images. This information was not relevant to the original inquiry into Home Office leaks and neither is it relevant to the Maltby allegations . However, it transpires that while o. Iur intrepid sleuths discarded the records of almost all of their investigations upon retirement Lewis did retain one notebook. One can only speculate about the motive for this remarkable ' oversight' but the possibility of 'payback' for the career- destroying botched inquiry clearly should not be ruled out. Suffice it to say that Quick and Lewis decided that it was clearly ' in the public interest ' that the revelation about a senior Ministers computer should be made public at a time to cause Mr.Green the maximum professional embarrassment. The inference is clear: the man now occupying High Office once whiled away his weekends in his Westminster Office viewing pornography instead of holding the Government to account and therefore, years later, must be guilty by association of making improper suggestions to a young family friend.  

 

It is, of course, not beyond the wit of man or technology for obscene images to have been planted on Mr. Green's computer either before or after his office was raided and unless and until the machine is produced and independently examined that truth will never be known. That Damian Green robustly and emphatically denies the charges against him is immaterial. We are, now, all guilty as charged unless and until proven innocent. He did, though, make one cardinal error for which he has paid a terrible and some would say unnecessary price. In denying that he had earlier been aware of the ' computer issue' he was disingenuous as his lawyers were apparently informed at the time of the original raid in 2008 and he himself has now recalled that this was discussed in a telephone conversation with Quick subsequently in 2013. A reasonable lapse of memory, perhaps, but fatal.  The irony is that the Professional Standards Department, in their report to the Prime Minister, reached no conclusions about Mr. Green's relationship with Ms. Maltby but, given his misleading observations the PM found it necessary to ask her friend of longstanding and staunchest ally to offer his resignation. So a ten year feud with former Assistant Commissioner Quick of the Met has been brought to a conclusion. Or has it? While there were those who felt that Damian Green should have reached for the whisky and the revolver some time ago there has, clearly been an attempt to interfere politically in affairs of State. The current  Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, the formidable Cressida Dick, has condemned the former officers' leak of confidential material and the matter is now under review by the information Commissioner. Her Majesty's Inspector of Constabulary, Sir Tom Winsor, has declared that Quick and his former colleague were not acting in the public interest in revealing confidential and irrelevant material to the press and chickens may yet come home to roost. The Damian Green that I know is a good, kind, gentle and sympathetic man, a loving husband and father and a tireless constituency Member of Parliament. I hope that a prosecution of those who have brought him low will follow.

 

It has not been a good month for the forces of justice in general or for the Met Police in particular.

 

The Head of the Crown Prosecution Service, Ms. Alison Saunders, is quoted as saying that in rape cases acquittal of the accused ' does not mean that the victim did not tell the truth'. That is more than a little alarming and something that Ms Saunders might care to reconsider in the light of several recent cases that, because of the suppression of evidence, have come perilously close to wrongful conviction and have destroyed young lives.

 

Take the case of twenty- two year old Liam Allen who has had the threat of trial and a gaol sentence hanging over him for two years. Has it not been for the action of. A former parliamentary colleague, Jerry Hayes who was a barrister acting for the prosecution, it is highly likely that Mr.Allen would by now be in prison.  Mr. Hayes unearthed the fact that a police officer involved in the case had not disclosed full information to lawyers acting for the defence. That evidence, when scrutinised , completely exonerated Mr. Allen and the same Detective Constable was revealed in another case to have again withheld vital information that,when revealed, also  led to an acquittal.

 

Sam Armstrong, formerly the young Chief of Staff working in the office of my parliamentary friend and neighbour, Craig Mackinlay, has been to hell and back before being cleared of an alleged rape on the basis of another late disclosure of facts that would have terminated the case much earlier.

 

As a result of these and other cases the Scotland Yard is now undertaking a review of all rape cases and Ms Saunders is engaged in a 'management review'. The  CPS might perhaps benefit from a review of its own senior management.

 

Pre- Christmas the Conservative Animal Welfare Foundation, of which I am a proud patron, held a reception in the House of Commons. The guest speaker was the Secretary of State for the Environment, Michael Gove . The Foundation has, in various incarnations and over a number of years sought to engage various Ministers of various political persuasions in the interests of wild, farm and domestic animal welfare with, it has to be said, only marginal effect. Until recently. The Gover has never struck me as a fully paid- up ' bunny hugger' but the impact of his speech and subsequent public policy announcements suggests that he sees Brexit, as we have been saying for some time, as an opportunity not to weaken but to raise animal welfare standards. For too long we have been compelled to permit the export of live animals - horse, sheep and cattle- for slaughter, often under vile conditions, because of EU trade rules. We have also had to admit into the UK produce generated under conditions of husbandry that would simply no longer be tolerated in Britain. This has both damaged the interests of our own farmers, compelled to maintain high and costlier standards, and of animal welfare. These issues we will soon be able to address and control but The Gover has gone much further. A ban on environmentally damaging microbe ads is in train, the wholly unnecessary trade in elephant- destroying ivory will, in Britain, be brought to an end and the issue of the waste plastics that plague our oceans will be addressed.  And then there is the matter of animals as ' sentient beings' . Instead of the opportunist attempt by Ms Carline Lucas, the only Green Party MP in The House, to amend the 'Brexit Bill' a sensible and effective measure will be brought forward to ensure that all animals, not just those ' under human control' covered in the Animal Welfare Act, with receive the protection afforded to 'sentient beings'.That, in turn, has implications for those who wish to revert to gaining their ' pleasure' from the now- unlawful practice of hunting wild animals with dogs.

 

Ann Mallalieu, QC, created The Baroness Mallalieu of Studdridge in the County of Buckinghamshire as a Labour life- Peer in 1991, opines in her capacity as President of the Countryside Alliance that opposition to foxhunting and related ' sports' is down to "class" and is based upon " a hatred of people, not cruelty" . I have never regarded myself as a ' class- warrior' but I hope and believe that along with cock- fighting and bear- baiting and public executions this pastime has been consigned to the dustbin of history in which it properly belongs.

 

I appreciate that in some European countries this ' anti-hunt' stance will not find favour. I observe with amazement as, each Autumn, the markets in France are filled with  stalls selling equipment for the approaching ' chasse' which has to be one of the most dangerous diversions known to man. The ' hunters' , accompanied by dogs of just about every trained and untrained breed, kill few deer but it is a miracle that, blundering around in the early- morning fog and firing blindly at any noise that sounds like an animal moving, they do not kill more of their own dogs or, indeed, each other. That, though, is a far hue- and- cry from the pursuit of sentient beings with the  aim of seeing an animal killed and torn to pieces at the end of a terrified chase. I am pleased that it looks as though, mindful of the deleterious effect of including a ' free vote' on the repeal of the Hunting Act in her last Conservative manifesto the Prime Minister seems poised to abandon that pledge. The game has moved on,. There is a new, younger, more enlightened breed of politician sting on the Conservative benches and I doubt that there will, ever again, be a parliamentary majority in favour of foxhunting.

 

With the Theresa May  also announcing a crackdown on puppy- farming 2018 could be a bumper year for animal welfare - just so long as The Gover does not get moved on in a widely- trailed New Year's ministerial reshuffle. We need the man right where is please, Prime Minister.

 

On the other side of the Atlantic the tribulations, if not yet the trials, of the President of the United States continue. Mr.Rex Tillerson, as the 'worst ever Secretary of State' is past his sell- by date and the President 's own appointment as Special Counsel, Robert Mueller, has son- in- law Jared Krushner in his cross- hairs. It is said that the late- night twittersphere activity generated by The Tramp allows him to set his own news agenda and up to a point that may be true. Certainly the wild midnight ramblings of limited- character communication can detract butterfly media  attention from more serious issues but there are forces at work in America that are not likely to be distracted by such a ruse.

 

We must give credit where credit is due. The President got his tax measures, involving $1.4 trillion of corporate tax cut, through the Republican- held senate. That's a first and there are much wiser brains than mind that say that while the corporate tax reforms may damage Europe and the rest of the world they honour the pledge to put ' America First'. That Senate majority is, though, at risk. The Commander- in - Chief threw his weight behind the Republican candidate in Alabama, Roy Moore, and lost. Mr Moore was the subject of harassment allegations that may well have deemed small Budweiser to The Tramp but clearly did not go down to well with the conservative electorate in the South. It is twenty- five years since 

Alabama fielded a Democrat Senator and the writing is on the wall for that Republican majority come the next round of elections.

 

Successive American Presidents have promised to recognise Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and those successive Presidents have then found good reason for postponing the decision and kicking the can of worms down the road. Not so The Tramp. Honouring another election pledge the  American Embassy will be moved from Tel Aviv and re- located  on a former U.S. Army site in Jerusalem. This decision has led to the inevitable demonstrations and in the United Nations the U.S.isby 128 votes to 35 with 9 abstentions. The Tramp retaliates by saying that he will terminate US aid to nations opposing him over Jerusalem and, for good measure , reverts to a cold-war nuclear strategy towards Russia and China. He also promises to place ' a man on the moon and then Mars' to mark the forty- fifth anniversary of the Apollo 17 landing on the moon. He will, presumably, be asking the Martians to pay for the project.  British diplomats are reportedly now saying that The Tramp ' could win in 2020'. Could, but first he has to survive until 2020. ' His people' say that he will not be making a State visit to the UK any time soon although a ' working visit' is still on the cards.

 

In other news inward net migration has seen the biggest decrease since 1964 and many firms are now concerned that staff who have returned to the European mainland for Christmas may just not come back. Inflation is, at 3.1% , at its highest level since March 2012.

 

Dylan Jones, the editor of the GQ magazine that recently featured Comrade Jeremy on its front cover has described the Leader of the Opposition as ' like the Wizard of Oz 'with ' a rock star image but disappointing in person and underwhelming'.Lord ( Roy) Hattersley, the former Labour Commons heavyweight, describes Momentum as ' the worst threat to Labour since Militant'. Red Jerry himself tells Grazia magazine that " I will probably be Prime Minister within a year" . Previously he had said that he would be " in Downing Street by Christmas" although to be fair he did not say which Christmas and more than he has told Grazia which year. He has, simultaneously, refused to rule out ( or in) a second EU referendum and has  said that he will fight the next election in 2022 by which time he will be seventy- three. As I shall be getting on for seventy- nine myself when I fight the next general election I ought not to complain. Seventy is the new fifty.

 

Nationalism is still on the rise . The result of the election for the Corsican assembly sends shockwaves through the French establishment. The black- and- white flags of the separatists flutter high as the 320 thousand residents go to the polls. Then comes the election, called by Spain, for the Catalonian parliament. The separatists there cling onto power with the largest combined share of the vote delivering seventy of the one hundred and thirty five available seats and 47.5 % of the popular vote. Prime Minister Rajoy's party won just eleven seats - a loss of three representatives - and the result creates a self- inflicted headache for the national Government and for a European establishment that now does not know which way to jump. Rajoy's has declined talks with the Catalans' leader, Carles Puigdemont currently in exile in Brussels, and it is left to King Felipe V1 to ' call for calm' in his Christmas message to his divided people.

 

The new Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson, keeper of the MoD tarantula Cronus, has determined that some 270 UK jihadists still currently at large abroad are to be hunted down and eliminated. With remarkable prescience the Secretary of State observes that ' dead terrorists don't kill'.

 

The Secretary of State was also present at Portsmouth when Her Maj commissioned the aircraft carrier HMS Queen Elizabeth, which contrary to popular belief is named for the first and not the second Queen of that name.  Unfortunately the blue duster was barely replaced by the White Ensign of the Royal Navy when it emerged that the £3.1 billion QE that has been undergoing sea trials was shipping 200 litres of water an hour through a faulty seal on the propellor shaft. Once she has been repaired at the builders' expense the sixty- five thousand ton vessel will carry  a crew of 700 men and women, F35B jump jets and helicopters.

 

Meghan Markle, engaged to Prince Harry, has become the first Royal Fiancée to spend a Christmas at Sandringham with the Royal family. As Meghan- mania continues the date for the wedding, to be performed by Justin Welby as Archbishop of Canterbury in the St. George's Chapel, Windsor, has been set. To avoid the necessity for a national holiday  a Saturday , May 19th, has been chosen. It turns out to be the day of the FA Cup Final at which Prince William is due to present the trophy as president of the Football Association. There will, we are assured, " be no overlap" so presumably it's a morning wedding and then a quick dash off to Wembley for HRH. 

 

Ballswatch

 

Helpful advice from the Trades Union Congress " don't harass colleagues at office Christmas parties" and MEPs have been issued with an official manual containing ' sex guidance ' - not how to have it but how to avoid allegations of ' harassment, groping and stalking'. Shutting the stable door, etc.

 

Georgina " Toff" Toffalo, the Chelsea winner of this year's " I'm Another Person That You Gave Never Heard Of - Get Me Out Of Here" is a Conservative and might one day want to be an MP. That should do the Party's youth appeal no harm save that she apparently believes that Jacob Reece- Mogg is " A Sex God" .

 

With effect from September 2019 the Department for Education plans to include ' transgender issues' in the primary and secondary schools curriculum. You have eight weeks in which to respond to ' calls for evidence' although of which,what or whom is not entirely clear. Primary school pupils will also be allowed to enjoy instruction in Civil Partnerships

 

A Leicestershire car park has been awarded Protection Status by Historic England. This is the site of the 1220s Fransiscan Friary where King Richard 111 was buried prior to his exhumation and re- committal.

 

The new Head of The Salford Broadcasting Corporation's Religion  unit is the former New Labour Minister and an atheist, James Purnell.  Purnell, who also trousers a salary as Head of Education , tells us that he ' leaves his personal views at the door' . Next stop the incumbency of Bray?

 

Was your old British Passport, if you had one, black or blue? Mine, having checked, is black but I am colour blind and others say it is dark navy. Either way it is not the colour of the proposed garish but ' patriotic' replacement for the maroon thingy that we were compelled to use when we joined the EU. Spot the deliberate lie? We weren't compelled to give it up at all, we surrendered it voluntarily. And extra points for anyone who knows which body determines what information is contained within international passports. Clue: it is not the Home Office.

 

The European Parliament is considering - yes, seriously - the possibility of entering a Team EU for the 2036 Olympic Games. How fitting that that will be the Centenary of the 1936 Berlin Nazi games organised by another wannabe super- Reich.

 

Valete

 

The 'French Elvis ' Johnny Hallyday, has rocked his last at the age of 74. His 'State Funeral' was attended by the President of the Republique.

 

Disgraced ex- publicist Max Cifford, was sentenced to eight years in prison in 2014 for offences involving four teenage girls. The seventy- four year old suffered a heart attack with his family vowing to continue his appeal against conviction. Clifford claimed to provide " a protection service for celebrities" and is quoted as saying that " I didn't have a conscience".

 

Keith Chegwin rose to fame as the presenter of the ' Swaporama' outside broadcasts for the BBC Childrens' Saturday Morning programme ' Multi- Coloured Swap Shop' when he was seventeen. As a Production Assistant on this programme I drove Keith, who hailed from Bootle in Liverpool, the length and breadth of Britain to and from our venues. He went on to work on Saturday Superstore, came through a period of alcoholism in the late 80s and re- established his career. There is a family, and friends, and a generation of the viewers that he grew up with, who will miss his 'cheeky chappie' personality.

 

King Michael of Romania was ninety six when he passed on his claim to the throne to his heir, the third in line Prince Nicolae. King Michael was removed by the communists in 1947 and became a supporter of the Oxford ( latterly known as Moral Re- armament) movement.

 

And finally..........

 

The Secretary of State for Defence, Gavin " Killer" Williamson, has a soft spot after all. The former Chief Whip, now elevated to one of the highest offices of State, has intervened to save the lives of two Belgian Shepherd sniffer dogs that have seen active service and saved lives in dangerous places. Kevin and Dazz, due to be put down, will now be re- homed to live out their lives in well-earned peace.

 

And talking of peace, what could be more harmonious than our Prime Minister and our Foreign Secretary joined together like Siamese Twins in a ' twosie' sweater and photographed outside 10 Downing Street in support of Children's Christmas Jumper Day? Now if that sense of unity could just roll over into 2018............

 

With very best wishes for the New Year

Roger

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